A Certain Punch Flag
by LancerGaShinda
Summary: The Iron Wall Girl, famed among the students of A Certain High School for her resistance to the Kami-yan Disease, ends up raising her own flag upon knocking Touma out for several hours.


For Fukiyose Seiri, it seemed like just another school day.

She was sat at her desk, preparing for the day's classes when Kamijou Touma entered. It was a pleasant surprise to see him in school this early (and about damn time, in her opinion); disappointingly typical, however, were the sensations she felt when he was about to complain about something or other.

"That Biri-Biri; what is it about her unrepentant desire to electrocute me every time we meet? Such misfortune..."

Yep, there it was. That lazy moron always blamed his misdemeanours on his so-called _misfortune_ (which obviously was a non-existent concept as far as she was concerned) and used it as an excuse to not get his schoolwork or other aspects of life in order.

"Haaa... I wish I could meet someone nice."

"I knew it. I will always be a background character to him."

Oh, and there was that. Her friend (who was a bit of a wallflower) clearly had it bad for Kamijou, who it seemed lacked delicacy when it came to girls' feelings, the bastard.

"Hey, Kami-yan."

"Hmm? What is it, Tsuchimikado?"

BAM!

As expected, Kamijou's face got intimate with his idiot friend's fist. It was a physical act of his that she didn't disagree with, and it saved her the trouble of confronting him herself.

Not that she could stay relaxed, of course. Whenever a member of the Delta Force was in action, she was prepared to carry out her peacekeeping duties at any time.

"Ow! Goddammit, Tsuchimikado! What the hell was that for?!"

"You deserve it for being a clueless chick magnet nyah~!"

"Who's clueless, you Siscon Sergeant?!"

"You, obviously. I know where my place is, and I wear that badge with pride! Unlike you, I don't threaten humanity's future existence with a five-digit harem!"

Oh, Kami-sama. She was going to have to intervene again, wasn't she?

"That's not something to be proud of! And stop going on about that god-damn non-existent harem, or I'll break your illusion myself!"

"Are you sure about that, Kami-yan? You know as well as I do how our previous fight went during _that incident_ with your dad."

"I swear if I could develop an esper power, I'd use it to a project a thousand fists into your face!"

"Nah; without that hand of yours, it would be more like Unlimited Babe Works _nyah~_!"

She hated being right.

It was time for her to save the class from their idiocy _yet again_. Upon hearing her approaching footsteps, the idiots turned around to face her.

"Hey! Can it, you two! Or," she cracked her knuckles, "will I have to take matters further?"

In that instant, Motoharu suddenly looked like he'd seen a ghost... well, more so than Kamijou (who was frozen stiff with fear anyway) at any rate.

"Holy shit! You're already projecting the Iron Wall Girl nyah~! Is no girl truly safe from the Kami-yan Disease?!"

BAM!

One down, one to go. As for that so-called 'disease' nonsense...

"Go to hell! As if I'd ever be in thrall to Kamijou of all people! Speaking of which..."

She found him prostrating himself in front of her in double quick time.

"I beg you, Fukiyose-sama, please keep your double-barrelled weapons away from me! Kamijou-san is sorry for what he has done!"

"Look at me, Kamijou." Once he made eye-contact, she continued, "If you want to succeed in life, you're going to have to start taking responsibility for your actions instead of... wait..."

Did he just say...

""Double-barrelled"...?"

...Yes. Yes, he did. The cheek of it!

"Kamijooou..."

His response was silence. Or rather – he said nothing, but his facial expression spoke volumes.

"... _Kisamaaa_!"

"...Wait! Wait! I mea–!"

BAM!

Yet again, Kamijou left her no choice but to unleash her fist of fury on him.

And she was going to let him off with just a stern talking to as well. Why couldn't he act like an upstanding member of society for once?!

Maybe it was because he hung around those other idiots all the time.

Come to think of it, where was the blue-haired one?

-(:)-

By the time Tsukuyomi arrived, Motoharu had recovered from his punishment. Kamijou, on the other hand, remained unconscious.

"Ano, what happened to Kamijou-chan?"

"Peacekeeping, Tsukuyomi-sensei."

With Kamijou missing yet another class, their beloved Sensei turned melancholic. Such a sight was never desired by her class, which was another reason why Fukiyose was critical of Kamijou's attitude to schoolwork.

Five minutes on, he was still unconscious. Shouldn't he have woken up by now?

In that moment, she felt guilty for unintentionally exacerbating Kamijou's academic deficit and being the cause of Tsukuyomi's mood on this occasion. Also, she wanted to know how her friend felt about what took place.

"Fukiyose-chan, could you please take Kamijou-chan to the infirmary?"

"Hai, Sensei."

"Komoe-sensei, may I join them?"

After a brief moment of consideration, Tsukuyomi asked her if she needed help. She accepted knowing that ******** also wanted to talk to her about a certain spiky-haired boy.

-(:)-

It was ascertained that Kamijou had suffered no permanent damage and would make a full recovery by the end of the school day.

Though she would deny otherwise, Fukiyose worried about the impact today's punishment had on his health and was greatly relieved to learn he would be alright, as was her friend. For all his idiocy, her beatings were done with the knowledge that Kamijou would be back on his feet after just a few minutes.

Knowing that matters could have been worse made her chest ache.

"You know, Seiri..."

"Hm? What is it, ****?"

"...I think you were wrong to punch him."

She could understand why that question was posed to her today, even though Kamijou's antics were a well-established facet of A Certain High School. Still, she had to know...

"Why do you say that?"

"He was prostrating himself before you in apology. There was no need to attack him for that."

"That wasn't why I punched him."

"OK; then what was the reason?"

"He was talking about my chest!"

"Your chest? He didn't mention anything about... do you mean the 'double-barrelled weapons'?"

"What else could he have been referring to?"

"I think he was actually talking about your fists..."

Since this was ******** she was talking to, Fukiyose stopped to consider her words for a moment. She then came to the conclusion that in their earlier confrontation, it was she – and not Kamijou – who was the idiot.

"...And even if he was talking about your chest back then, it didn't sound like he was mocking you; so I'd still say you were wrong to punch him."

Though she was tempted to argue that point, today was not the day for it. It wouldn't change the fact she – the de facto class representative who strove to do right by her classmates – was responsible for Kamijou missing out on effectively a whole day's worth of education just because she misconstrued his apology to her.

Wasn't irony a bitch?

Naturally, it was her responsibility to aid Kamijou in catching up on the work he missed... which provided her with an opportunity...

This was her chance...

Her chance to ascertain why his class attendance was so bad.

Her chance to figure out why he kept referring to his supposed misfortune.

Her chance to learn why his attitude to life (and school in particular) was lackadaisical.

And perhaps...

Her chance to understand why Kamijou Touma affected her to a greater extent than she'd admit to anyone.

"Ah, another one."

 _Kami-sama_! Where did that voice come from?!

…

Oh, right. It was her seemingly forgettable friend... and damn if she didn't feel like a heel for being surprised by ********'s presence in the first place. That phrase, though...

"What do you mean by that?"

"That look on your face... it's the same look I see in the mirror whenever I think of Kamijou-san."

Oh, _come on_! First, the blonde idiot; now her, too?!

"Why would I be romantically interested in a boy who frequently blames his shortcomings on bad luck and does nothing to deal with them? Besides, the issue of today's work is more important right now."

Thankfully, it seemed her friend decided not to push the other issue.

"Anything I can do?"

"I have to wait here until he wakes up so I can bring him up to speed ASAP. That means I won't be going back to the classroom, so could you please bring today's work here after school?"

"Yes, I can do that."

"After that I'll go to his house and help him with it. You want to join us?"

Her friend's facial expressions spoke volumes (to her, anyway) whenever Kamijou was the subject of conversation. As with Sensei, it was melancholic.

"Much as I'd like to, I have commitments."

"I see. Alright then, I'll see you this afternoon."

"OK. See you then."

Shortly after she left, Fukiyose realised she couldn't remember the last time ******** spoke as much as she just did.

-(:)-

Upon waking up, Kamijou's reaction to finding her stood not a metre from his infirmary bed exuded all the grace befitting such a situation.

"Aaaaaaahhh! Fukiyoseeee!"

None. As expected.

Oh well, it wasn't like she had much difficulty controlling proceedings in similar scenarios.

"Kamijou! Stay still!"

Now that she had control of the situation, she could begin to get him back on track.

"How are you feeling right now?"

"To be honest, I feel a bit terrified right now. Other than that, I'm just peachy."

She didn't know why, but she felt a pang in her chest upon hearing that.

"You don't feel any lingering pains or other sensations of that nature?"

"No; nothing like that. Say, where's Tsuchimikado? How is he?"

"He's fine. Actually paid a brief visit here to check on you."

"Check on me...? Wait, how long have I been here?"

"Ummm..."

It wasn't like her to be hesitant, but these were not the usual circumstances.

"...Fukiyose?"

"You've been here for most of the school day."

"...So I've missed out on another day of school, huh? Such misfortune..."

A short while later, it was clear that Kamijou had chosen not to apportion the blame to her even though it was within his rights to do so. That said, the dynamics of their relationship meant she wouldn't outright admit this to him; there was still a vital life lesson to be taught, after all.

Before anything else, it was time to take care of that gloomy aura of his.

"Kamijou. Kamijou, look at me."

Once he raised his read, she continued.

"I can't say I know why you keep referring to 'misfortune' whenever you have problems, but the fact is that by not taking ownership of your shortcomings, you aren't doing yourself any favours. Wallowing in self-pity won't help you in life. No matter what challenges you face, it is up to you to face up to them and move forward. If you need help, don't be afraid to reach out for it."

It appeared that his countenance had changed to one of contemplation. Knowing that he was taking her words to heart, she moved on.

"With regard to today's schoolwork, I will accompany you to your house and help you."

"Really? You'd do that for me?"

"I have no other plans for today, so it won't be a problem for me."

To her surprise, Kamijou suddenly clasped one of her hands in his.

"Arigatou gozaimasu, Fukiyose-sama. I am now in your debt."

Wait, what? He believed _he_ was in _her_ debt? Sure, she'd usually take that declaration at face value and think nothing more of it, but these were not the usual circumstances.

Well, it was another reason for her to learn what made him tick. His hands, though...

"Ahem..."

"Huh? ...Oh, right. Sorry."

Thankful her faint blush wouldn't become apparent now that he'd let go, it was just a matter of waiting for the school day to end. That, and conversing with Kamijou some more.

"Oh, by the way, I meant to ask... for how long have you been here checking up on me?"

"I took you here with **** and have been here ever since."

Whatever answer he was expecting, that probably wasn't it; the eye-popping would become painfully literal if he wasn't careful.

It wasn't really _that_ much of a shock, was it? His reaction almost offended her, in all honesty.

Yet another reason for her to accompany him this afternoon and get to know him better, then.

"...You mean to say you had to forego all your lessons today just to look after me?"

Well, when he put it that way...

"Kamijou... as the de facto class representative, I choose not just to help set my classmates on the right path, but also to provide help when they need it. Even to you and the other two idiots."

"OK; but did you really have to stay here with me all day when you could have ju–"

"Kamijou."

That one word was enough to end that line of questioning, thank goodness. Of course, the next question he asked was...

"What about your lunch?"

"I always bring my own health foods with me, so I didn't go hungry on your account."

"I see. Well, it seems that I now owe both you and ******** more than I already did. Thank you, again."

"Become more proactive with your schoolwork, and I'll take that as thanks."

After that, they slipped into a comfortable silence.

-(:)-

Shortly after the day's lessons ended, ******** entered the infirmary to give them the day's work. After a brief conversation in which Kamijou thanked the consequently-blushing ******** for helping him earlier (the oblivious one obviously didn't observe it), he and Fukiyose began their trip to Kamijou's home.

During their travels, she reluctantly began to accept something that until now had irritated her to no end.

Kamijou was indeed at the mercy of misfortune.

First of all – he got socked in the face by a football as they passed a field. There was a game going on, but the trajectory was so bizarre even the players had no clue how it happened; a quick apology later and they moved on.

Still – one incident does not misfortune make.

Then there was that rude fellow on the streets who ran into them despite their best attempts to make room for him. Though neither of them incurred any injures in the collision, Kamijou's bag somehow opened in such a manner as to spill its contents all across the pavement.

Instead of apologising for his error, the man sucker punched Kamijou in the face while he was collecting the papers; whether or not Kamijou could respond in kind was made academic as Fukiyose set the offender straight with a few blows of her own, after which he parted with a "pussy-whipped" jibe thrown in Kamijou's direction. Much as she wanted to publicly disagree with that statement given its implications, quite frankly the paper collection was of more importance.

And then there was that ATM...

"Kamijou, why do you look so terrified?"

"I haven't had the best of luck with these things..."

"Kamijou, listen... I'll admit you've not had the best day with respect to matters outside your control, but you shouldn't let them drag you down like this. I mean, what is that ATM going to do if you use it? Spit your card out _through the screen_ into your black eye?"

-(:)-

" **GYYAAAAAAAHH! SUCH MISFORTUUUUUUNNNNEEE!** "

Well... _shit_.

-(:)-

After making a trip to the local supermarket (and receiving more thanks from Kamijou after that ATM FUBAR), she finally reached Kamijou's dorm.

Naturally, the first course of action was to make him sit down and hold a bag of ice on his eye while she got the papers sorted. Upon checking his bag to see if any papers were left, her curiosity was piqued by the packet laying at the bottom.

"Kamijou..."

"What is it, Fukiyose?"

As she removed it, she gave him a deadpan look.

"...Care to explain what else you were expecting from me this evening?"

Well, there was that eye-popping look again... followed by a wince (it was possibly the black eye that caused it). Honestly, how did he expect her to react to finding that product in his bag after they went to the supermarket? At her expense, no less?

" _Naniii_?! Those things aren't even mine!"

Wait, what?

"I don't know why they were in my bag, but they have nothing to do with me! How could... wait a minute..."

Come to think of it... she'd overseen the entire purchase so she'd have identified any 'rogue' products before paying for them, and she only paid for them because cashless Kamijou was unable to withdraw his own money for it.

There and then, she realised there was a particular person who would pull off such a stunt...

A particular person who was friends with Kamijou.

A particular person who made annoying references to her immunity to that 'disease'.

A particular person who made a visit to Kamijou's bed earlier today and _placed the product in his bag without her noticing_.

That person was none other than–

"Tsuchimikadooooo! I swear to Kami-sama, I will develop that ability and use it on you one of these dayyyyyyyyyys!"

Another thing she was learning about Kamijou, it seemed, was that whenever she found him involved in a compromising situation, she was quick to assume his being responsible for the situation developing in the first place... which tied in with her view of misfortune from earlier today.

Whether or not he was actually responsible for them was another thing, but it was now clear this was not such a case.

"That idiot. Next time I see him, he'll be the lucky recipient of my finest Glasgow kiss."

"...What's a 'Glasgow kiss'?"

"Does the term 'Forehead Deluxe' ring a bell? I've given you a few before."

"...Ohhhh. Yeah, sure. Knock yourself out. I meant – knock _him_ out, eh-he-heh..."

Anyhow, now that the issue had been solved... actually, there was another question she had to ask...

"So, what do you want to do with these things?"

"You can do what you like with them. I have no use for them. It's not like there's anyone who would ever like me in that way..."

Periodic Table, meet element #119.

When it came to romance, Kamijoutouman's density was already well known to Fukiyose, and she didn't like it. She didn't know how many girls were enamoured with him and she wasn't interested in listening to the Delta Force talking about "harem this" and "harem that" as often as they did, but it was clear some girls (such as her friend... uh, what was her name again?) were ready to start a relationship with Kamijou as soon as he gave the word.

On that subject, he really _was_ an idiot. Perhaps a special Forehead Deluxe was in order... not enough to knock him out, but enough to put him on the floor. Yes, that would do nicely... then she'd berate him at length for being so indelicate with girls' feelings. If that didn't get the message through his skull, then she'd just have to take a different physical approach. For _that_ , she'd have to make good use of those co–

...

 _Whoa_! Where the FUCK had that come from?!

"Uhhh, Fukiyose, that's a rather scary expression you're showing me..."

Huh...? Oh, right... She was so engrossed in that... delusion (it sure as hell was _not_ a fantasy) that she completely forgot about her surroundings.

It was Kamijou's fault, anyway. That trait of his could not be allowed to stand, but for now, she simply responded as such:

"When it comes to girls' feelings, Kamijou... you really _are_ an idiot."

His response to that declaration had all the grace one could expect.

"...Haaaa?"

None. As expected.

-(:)-

By the time Fukiyose got the papers organised, Kamijou suggested that he get started on cooking dinner. She was about to suggest doing some school work first before her stomach had the temerity to rumble, so she acquiesced.

Needs must, as they say, and she could use the time to start catching up on her own work anyway.

Another thing Fukiyose learned about Kamijou was that he sure as heck knew his way around a kitchen. His skills came about not so much out of a desire to give foodgasms to anyone he fed (though she could personally attest to that happening anyway), but more out of a necessity to become self-sufficient on a Level 0 stipend.

On that note, he told her she was lucky to visit when she did as Index (his roommate, who was apparently making a rare weekend-long visit elsewhere) would have otherwise eaten _everything_ and then tried to eat _his head_ as punishment for not buying enough food to feed a friggin' elephant. Anyhow...

It didn't hurt that she bought the ingredients he used to make the dishes either. As far as she was concerned, one could never have too much of a healthy dish made so exquisitely it induced moans.

Incredible as it seemed, her general opinion of Kamijou had improved considerably today. Hell, she even smiled – _smiled_ – at him after dinner.

She'd also admit to feeling a little thrill at seeing him turn his head and blush a little in response.

-(:)-

Whilst they were knee deep in school work, Fukiyose felt now was the time to ask Kamijou some more questions.

"You know, Kamijou, I've always wondered..."

"About what?"

"About why your class attendance is so low."

Wasn't that a query and a half? Kamijou certainly took it as such as he appeared to be in deep thought, so Fukiyose gave him as much time as he apparently needed.

"Um... how should I say this..."

Another 30 seconds later, he finally got started.

"That stuff I experienced after we left school... it's not just one of those crappy days we all have from time to time. Not for me, at least."

"...Are you saying this... misfortune of yours is something you've grown up with?"

For some reason, that particular question seemed to put Kamijou on edge. Had she hit the nail on the head?

"...You could say that. It has stuck with me for as long as I can remember."

Something about that answer made her think there was something he wasn't telling her, but she chose not to tell him that. In any case, he still hadn't answered her first question.

"I can't say I envy you when you put it like that. That said, it still doesn't explain your attendance."

"The thing is... because of the suffering I've experienced, I know how bad life can get. Whenever I see someone else suffer, I simply can't stand back and watch; if I am able to help someone, I always want to do what I can for them... even in life and death situations. If I can bring smiles to peoples' faces after what they've suffered, then I'm happy too."

That gave her a fair bit to think about.

There was a school of thought in which Kamijou was classed a selfless individual. To put oneself at risk for the benefit of other people in testing situations was an admirable quality that could benefit the greater good.

There was another school of thought in which Kamijou was classed a selfish individual. To depend on the suffering of others in order to acquire satisfaction (even if his actions were intended to benefit those suffering) was a sad trait.

For Fukiyose, there was one phrase above all else which echoed in her mind...

 _Life and death situations_.

She couldn't help but feel fear upon processing exactly what that meant. It also explained somewhat why Kamijou was (or pretended to be) constantly oblivious to romantic overtures.

"So... let me get this straight..."

The fear she felt began to change into another emotion...

"You mean to tell me... the reason you keep missing school and putting your working life in jeopardy..."

...Tranquil fury.

"...is so you can play vigilante?"

Yet again, it seemed she'd caught Kamijou by surprise.

"Is that it, Kamijou Touma? Huh?"

"I don't do what I do to 'play vigilante', as you put it. As I told you earlier, I simply ca–"

BAM!

Now she felt full-on anger.

"YOU _IDIOT_!"

"Jesus, Fukiyose! What the hell is your problem?!"

Despite what happened to him last time she delivered a knuckle sandwich, Kamijou thankfully remained lucid and on his feet this time (she chose to strike his shoulder rather than the face)... which gave her all the excuse she needed to continue calling him out on his thoughtless actions.

"My problem?! Oh, please. That's rich coming from you!"

"What the hell are you on about?!"

"What on Earth do you think Anti-Skill and Judgment are for, huh?! Unlike you, people in those organisations are _trained_ to deal with violations of law and order!"

"I've handled myself just fine, thanks! As for those groups – just because their members have formal training doesn't mean they won't miss the occasional incident from time to time. I know because I've dealt with such situations before!"

"Why don't you join Judgment, then?"

"Like I just told you – they miss an incident every now and then. If I join them, I may be forced to change my approach to those suffering out there, which is something I cannot risk!"

"Ever heard of the phrase "Safety in numbers", you blockhead?!"

"I can fight alongside others without joining Judgment just fine!"

Why in the blazes did he have to be so damn _stubborn_?! Never mind clocking him with a blunt object; she felt like tearing his god-damn hair out!

Once again, she was made to contemplate something she never thought she would ...

She wondered if it would have been better had Kamijou actually been an indolent, careless student interested only in getting a girlfriend rather than the student stood in front of her.

On that note...

"Have you ever thought about those you'd leave behind if you died? You ever think about that, Kamijou?"

A moment of silence... then...

"...I will admit the thought has crossed my mind. The friendships I have... I would like to think I do my best to appreciate them... including yours, Fukiyose."

Well, it seemed that Kamijou could talk sense after all.

However, she knew there was more to come... and Kamijou duly delivered.

"...But that doesn't mean I can abandon my ideals. I've had them for as long as I can remember, and they are a fundamental part of what makes me Kamijou Touma."

God-damn it all! Of _course_ he'd just think of his platonic relationships!

It seemed that she'd have to smack him with the 2 by 4 after all.

"ARGH! Why are you so fucking _dense_?!"

"OK, what the hell are you on about _this_ time?!"

"I'm talking about your prospective girlfriends, you idiot!"

"..."

Kamijou spent a good 2 minutes just blinking his way to some sort of comprehension.

"..."

What followed was:

"... _Ehhhhhhhhh_?!"

None. As expected.

"Really, now? Is "Ehhhh?" the best response you can come up with?"

"I'm sorry, Fukiyose, but I don't se–"

"Urusai! You must be suffering some sort of selective obliviousness syndrome because damn near everyone else can see it!"

"Alright, then. Give me some examples."

"**** and that beauty-senpai, not to mention most of the other girls in our class."

"Regarding those two you mentioned by name – ******** doesn't seem like someone who is interested in a relationship, and there's no way in hell Kumokawa-senpai would ever take interest in a misfortunate kouhai like me."

At this moment, Fukiyose knew something major was going to happen very soon. She wasn't sure what it was, save for her being the instigator.

Kamijoutouman, the 119th element? Pffft. The next supermassive black hole, more like.

"...Are you for real?"

"Of course I'm being serious! You honestly think I'd joke about this?"

"That was a rhetorical question, Kamijou! For the record, **** – who you know is a close friend of mine – has told me about her interest in you!"

It took him a minute to figure out what he'd say next.

"Maybe you're right... maybe I have been ignorant of the girls around me. That said..."

"First – I can't in good conscience start a romantic relationship with anyone while I stick to my ideals. As they say in the UK, 'You can't have your cake and eat it'."

Oh, he'd be eating _something_ before he knew what'd hit him!

"And second – for as long as I'm associated with misfortune, it would be unf– _ffffffmmmmmpppphhhhhh_!"

Fukiyose Seiri had just found a novel way to shut Kamijou Touma up.

Namely, with her mouth.

-(:)-

She couldn't take it any more.

His obliviousness; his self-belittling words; his moronic willingness to continue down a self-sacrificial path that may well claim his life... it was too much to bear.

Quite honestly, she wasn't certain of just _what_ she was going to do when pushed to her breaking point, but the method through which she'd chosen to release her utter _frustration_ was perhaps the most fitting. After all, she was breaking new ground in more ways than one... rather aggressively, it must be said.

She didn't know exactly what she felt about Kamijou, other than wanting him very much alive.

"Hah, hah, hah, hah, hah, hey... hah, hah, Kamijou..."

And wouldn't you know it – when she released him, the bastard had the cheek to look completely astonished yet again.

"Hah, hah, hah, wha... hah, hah, wha-wha... hah, hah, wha-wha-wha-wha-wha..."

It was a good thing she had a solution for that problem.

"...You talk too much."

"...Wha-wha-wha-wh–mmmmpphhh!"

It was also a good thing said solution was so damn _enjoyable_.

Shortly afterwards, it got even better when he started to _reciprocate_.

-(:)-

It was funny how a single thought could change the future.

Not 24 hours ago, she knocked Kamijou out cold for a few hours in the mistaken belief he was making an unwanted perverted reference to her body.

Right now, however...

"Are they that fascinating?"

There was only one honest answer to that question.

"They are!"

It seemed that Fukiyose had gained another reason to remain a loyal customer of Musashino.

Still, Kamijou was never going to get it _that_ way. No matter how hard he tried.

" _Ahhhn~_! _Toumaaa~_!"

Not that she was complaining...

-(:)-

"Hey... Seiri..."

"Hmmm... what is it, Touma?"

"...How the hell did we end up here after yesterday morning?"

"We can worry about everything tomor–uh, later today. _Much_ later..."

-(:)-

To his great confusion, Aogami Pierce found himself in unfamiliar territory. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't ascertain where on Earth he was, save for being somewhere else in Japan.

After a while, he found someone who happened to be...

"Sugoi~! I found myself a cute silver-haired loli~!"

She reminded him of the nun that hung around Kami-yan all the time, although this loli was dressed in darker clothing... for a moment, he feared she was another member of that bastard's gargantuan harem, though he ultimately put that worry to the side.

"Ohayou, ojou-sama! Would you like some company?"

"Ano... who are you?"

Her confused response briefly caught him off guard. That said, Aogami Pierce was never the kind to shy away so easily. He would make an impression on her – of that, he was sure.

""Who am I", you ask? Standing before you is none other than Aihana Etsu, one of of the seven!"

It must have worked, given her eyes widened in recognition.

"..."One of the seven"?"

"That's right! So, would you like to have some fun with me?"

She smiled.

"Sure, I'd love to."

Yes! He'd finally found a girl to hang out with, and she was all his! Take that, Kami-yan!

"Berserker... it's play time."

Huh? He'd already given her his name, so why "Berserker"? ...And why did that smile of hers seem sinister all of a sudden?

"Grrrrrrr..."

Another human materialized behind the loli. On second thought, that... _thing_ looked less like a human and more like a humanoid pile of chiselled rocks. On steroids. The sight before him was enough to force his eyes wide open.

Kami-sama... was that thing wearing a _skirt_? No matter how hard he tried, his eyes would not bloody close.

"Grrrrrrrrrrrr...!"

Then again, it could wear a teddy bear outfit for all that mattered; it wouldn't change the fact that here and now, 'Aihana Etsu' either _noped the fuck away this instant_ or met his maker.

" **RRRAAAAAARRRRGGHH!** "

Unsurprisingly, Aogami chose the former option.

"Waaaaaahh! I'll never hit on a loli agaiiiiiiin!"

-(:)-

All of a sudden, someone woke up with a certain pang in their chest.

"So she got to him first, huh? Of course it wouldn't be me. I'm so unremarkable I wasn't even named anywhere in this story."

* * *

 **As you guys all know, Seiri is one of those rare 'maybe' types when it comes to being associated with Touma. So naturally, I decided to make one of those "What if...?" stories for that very pairing, which I've rarely seen on this site – and certainly not in a oneshot.**

 **Hope you enjoyed the little references I've made to a particular franchise, as well as a certain unnamed Index character. Before you ask, I have no plans to extend this oneshot – but if anyone else wants to write a follow-up, feel free to do so as long as you credit me for the initial story.**

 **Merry Christmas, peeps! :D**

* * *

 **UPDATE 25/12/2017**

 **Having made a couple of little changes to the story, I'd also like to take this opportunity to say thanks to those of you who have posted reviews and am glad to know my fanfic has been well received.**

 **I'd also like to say that I have nothing against the unnamed character – I simply felt like taking her background characteristic to an extreme. I'm not taking requests either (though I appreciate being asked that) since I write fanfics infrequently, so any requests made may be left hanging for too long.**


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